He fielded a good enough defense to get him out from under most of his charges.

Exactly. It's gross. And it's the turning point of the movie. The girl is the prize in the Epic Dick-Off fantasy - and nerdy boys are just as bad as jocks. (Fortunately, that part didn't turn out to be entirely true, and Mr Matto was equally appalled when I pointed it out to him.)

Exactly. When I think of Andre Johnson, I think "great receiver". When I think of Cortland Finnegan, I think "that pest who got beat up by Andre Johnson".

Was in the production truck pregame when Bob Mansbach picked out this Johnson-Finnegan matchup in advance as one to keep an eye on throughout the game.

You mean Cortland Innegan

The fact that one has moved on from the situation and the other has it hang over his head like a cloud speaks volumes regarding who won and lost.

Bravo Mark, I say this all the time, we either don't have soulmates or we have more than one - because there are about 6 BILLION people in the world and the idea that for ANYONE your soulmate lives in your STATE, let alone your city is absurd! You're lucky if your soulmate lives in your country! With my luck my…

I've seen this happen! Two people I know - he was besotted and was constantly asking her out, she kept saying no. At one point she straight up told him she didn't fancy him and she just saw him as a friend. He kept on asking and asking, and eventually they were dating. She was adamant she wanted to date for at least a…

I recently had to ruin "Revenge of the Nerds" for Mr Matto.
I felt terrible about it, really I did. But, DUDE. That was not ok.
On the other hand, pretty much every single movie from the '60s through the '80s was ruined for me at the time anyway, due to all of the shit-ass sexual politics (including but not limited to…

If there's anything more disgusting than someone cleaning their teeth with a toothpick in public, it's the idea of a toothpick dispenser in a public restroom.

The email of the week sounds like it was written by Brian Williams.

Mmmm, I like watching you sleep. And 365 days from now, I'm going to murder you and and eat your kidneys for dinner. It will be fun, I promise.

Of the obituary section.

So you're telling me that this guy basically provided video evidence to his fiancé that she could have been engaged a whole year ago?

Why couldn't he just take a picture with each day's newspaper, like the serial killer stalker abductor that he is?

If they'd just talked about it a year ago they could be getting married in Aruba right now. SO DUMB.

Why didn't he just ask her...a year ago?? I would have just punched him in the face for taking so long. WTH.

At least she didn't have to make him 365 sandwiches...

I ate the biggest bagel ever, slathered in bacon scallion cream cheese. I knew I wouldn't be eating for hours and would be drinking constantly and EVERYONE ELSE was eating one. Fuck that!

I'm pretty sure the Knot's business plan is to become the ultimate proxy for The Awful Mother Who Gives So Much Advice. It is the standard-bearer for Traditional American Femininity, the kind that wears shoes that she finds unbearably painful, the one that invites a ton of people to the wedding that she doesn't like…