I know, right? Having said that, they're never going to be able to pry my patented zinger of "Ariana Grande? More like Ariana Pequeno!" from my vice-like grip on size-related quips.

It means "the, 'Uber,' the"

Note from the network: This is a little too unbelievable.

"It's so balanced, every single image has just the right amount of things going on…"

Their original creation, the hempster, was just too laid-back to appeal to the masses.

Perhaps they are skeleton jelly?

The Alamo Drafthouse announces special baby-only screening.

I think they know the American audience requires more sophisticated baby-related business humor.

I predict the title will be a play on 'the terrible twos.' And then I'll say something like "they got the terrible part right!" and then the studio will show me their box office returns and I will weep. Gently. But very much sincerely.

Harpsichord Concerto of Languishing Agreement.

Just move your finger over one key to the left.

Right, and given that they're not the type that are terribly concerned with making cogent arguments or presenting facts or analysis, opting instead to hurl deflective insults, I think they're just looking for anyone whose response doesn't include "cuck," "snwoflake," "libtard," "Obummer," or "Killary" so they can…

"His nose traps the powdery remains of his victims."

"Now cracks a noble heart.—Good night, [some, I assume] sweet hombre,"

They're poisoning the swords? The cutting damage was already bad enough, but now I need to worry about my poison resistance!?

Give 'em a STN CLD STNNR just to be sure.

He, who has found it, has indeed, browned it.

"I put on a clean shirt, I paid for her ticket and couldn't even get a handjob? What a femanazi!"
- A disappointingly accurate facsimile of an MRA

*promptly gets stunned as well*

Speaking as a currently-single-guy on the dating apps scene, the amount of stories I've heard from women about how guys freak the fuck out at the slightest, slightest "infraction" is staggering.