You do get that a societal default influences how comfortable people feel coming out or even acknowledging their true selves? Remember when being straight was the default? How many gay men and women married opposite sex partners, grew old with them, had kids, and probably had a ton of same sex affairs? Probably so…

I am willing to bet that a decent number of Ashley Madison account holders never act on it. Probably the thing I miss most now that I am a boring monogamous person is that initial flirtation and meeting with someone new. How exciting it was to get to know a new person, right before you discovered what an unbearable…

Well that zero person was right, I am going to agree to disagree and move on.

I didn’t specify monogamy but since adultery was punishable by death it’s definitely a puritanical value. Look up what the Puritans believed if you don’t believe me.

I have the deepest sympathy for those in open marriages who respectfully arranged to be discreet. They did not deserve this.

Agreed, completely. I’ve been really surprised by the vehemence over the hack here at Gawker.

THIS! While some of the advice he gives (The price of admission) he is really problematic. I guess the whole a broken clock is right twice a day is very accurate in regards to him.

This social construct we’ve created is really destructive. The puritanical values that the general population seems to claim to embrace, really don’t mesh well with reality.

I'm genuinely surprised by the reaction the OP is getting this is truly disappointing.

A good analogy would be a closeted homosexual in a heterosexual relationship—in fact, we had a good example of that recently where the overwhelming response is that Gawker had “ruined this guy’s life,” regardless of the fact that he also made the choice to attempt an extramarital affair. Human beings are complicated…

I mean, I think analyzing the reasons for human behavior rather than simply, or exclusively, qualifying that behavior is a big part of liberal/progressive thought and values—it’s crucial. When someone steals, you don’t just chop of their hands and go about your day, you analyze and address the circumstances which…

That’s not the part I took issue with, it’s the reflexive vilification without an exploration of the circumstances that lead a person to make a particular decision.

Regardless of what Dan Savage thinks, you are completely missing the point here. The point isn’t that the cheating is political in some way, it’s that most people exist within social constructs that have the potential to make it really difficult to be honest with themselves, let alone those around you. Immediately…

And there’s the rub - it’s really not socially acceptable, no matter how progressive some people want to pretend things are in America. We are so repressed it is almost comical, and definitely absurd.

I said it was a waste of our time to continue since you kept saying I was saying things I didn’t. I never said everyone and I never even mentioned cheating. Both of your responses to me, were filled with things I didn’t say. I only wrote a few sentences and I didn’t use big words. If you want to discuss the actual…

It would be so great if people could just be honest. I’ve been with the same man for 14 years, we’ve been married 2. We have been monogamous and we have opened things up, we have an honest open dialog about what we want and need at any given time. Our friends don’t understand because it’s not exactly socially…

No, people are pressured into thinking that they have to be in monogamous relationships. At least in the U.S. Just because you can sleep around and do whatever you want doesn’t mean there aren’t millions upon millions of people ready to heap scorn on you for doing so. Puritanical views are extremely pervasive in our…

I ended up dismissing someone who kept saying I was saying things, I wasn’t. There are a number of people doing that in this thread.

You said society isn’t pressuring anyone to make people be in relationships. And while true, if and when someone wants to be in a relationship the only ones that are accepted widely are monogamous ones. Soooo EYE mentioned polygamy and other types of relationships to back up my claim that other types of relationships…

It’s true, a large number of people are perfectly happy in monogamous relationships. A large number of people are also unhappy with monogamous relationships. Humans aren’t inherently monogamous creatures, but we aren’t inherently polyamorous creatures either.