Somewhere, a Disney exec just pitched a Friends style prequel series.

Blackhawk Delgado is the name of a man in charge of the elite team of wrongfully convicted former military operatives you hire to help you out when the system is such a disaster that you’re being charged for cleanup after someone steals your car and crashes it into a bus.

I did the cookie table AND a cake at my wedding. I feel bougie now. 

The same folks who shout about how racism ended when we got that one Black guy in the Oval Office? I’m related to them too. 

The planning phase started in 2012, the day after Ernest Borgnine died. It was the only way they could be sure it was safe. 

I’ve eaten many a false promise of tasty low carb bread. I’m willing to test this out if it lands in my area but I’m not optimistic. Mission Foods low carb tortillas have pretty much become my bread until someone can convince me otherwise. 

Mojo, “helping” me move a refrigerator. She was also found in a parking lot!

Someone needs to follow him around and gather these pee bottles for resale. I’ll bet that a homeopathic level of diluted Rock piss is still enough growth hormones to give a normal human being 3” of height and 25 lbs of muscle mass.

This comment’s origin story begins production in February.

I never thought about it before, but Vin Diesel and Rock Johnson are already pretty solid porn names. 

Exactly. Like, I could match him pound for pound when he’s gorging on chicken or cod or whatever. But mine would all be deep fried with a side of fries and I feel like he’d make little noises after each time I took a bite. A lot of “hm” and “oof.”

Never gonna happen. That film would likely involve XXX in the title, which would put Rock off because it’s then a Diesel franchise. 

I feel like Johnson would judge all of my life choices in small but perceptible ways. Just little “supportive” comments that are condescending without being mean.  Whereas with Diesel, the worst he’d do is question the wisdom of rolling up a centaur paladin character, since he knows stairs and ladders will be a problem…

There’s something to be said for the image of a giant Samoan tearing off robo-Hitler’s head while spouting one-liners. A certain artistic merit. But the choice to cast Jesse Eisenberg in the comic relief Private Ryan role may be a bit much.

SPR starring Johnson would’ve been a very different film. 

Baby Dirty Steve: Nanny! Chavez is a red-ass Mexican greaser who does it with his horse!

Young Guns 3 is not an idea I ever expected to see even as a joke. 

By tiger blood!

I’ll accept any news or plot point delivered by Warburton. What’s this Patrick? I have canceraids and now Daenerys is crazy evil and slaughtering everyone? Oh, that’s just fine on both fronts.