For what it’s worth, the first responses google returned had Rourke weighing 169 (guessing this number was before or well after The Wrestler), Depp at 172 (assuming this is mostly rings and bracelets), and Musk at 205. I have no idea what value any of these numbers bring to the bookmakers, but it was either this or…

It’s like Sputnik!

As the owner of a particularly large head, I feel it’s important to adopt a standardized definition of head size before we convert fully to this otherwise very reasonable system of measures. 

Then you have a unique genius for insults, because that’s a good one. 

Please tell me “You fight like a cow” is a common Russian insult. 

R.E. Howard even gave them a badass pilgrim to model themselves after in the form of Solomon Kane.

Screams give hakarl its flavor. 

That face-merkin should add at least a decade to any sentence he gets.

That sounds like the premise for a pretty awesome horror movie about an internet edgelord type who’s doing his thing just to stay alive.

And women apparently can’t have hirsutism? 

Wait...are you saying Tucker is a high level political assassin?! Because even that doesn’t make him seem the slightest bit impressive. 

Do you want a Pet Semetary? Because that’s how you get a Pet Semetary! Ayuh. 

Spock is the only person who can get away with that ‘do.

I don’t know...I heard it used WIS as a dumpstat so it could load up on CHA. This could be a real problem. 

Is there a reason to not put sunblock on anywhere other than the face? Do people not burn elsewhere? Once we get past April, I’m slathering a layer on anywhere that isn’t covered by clothing, but is the face the only part I should be worried about? Have I been blocking UV rays wrong all these years!?

He looks like someone put Lee Evans in a microwave.

Aw...now I need to add a dollar to my “laughed at something awful” jar!