sounds like 14 years ago might have been anxiety, this is depression - talk to a professional - if your can't afford it look at social services, they have good people

tell those people to go fuck themselves

A good therapist makes you work. They don't just listen. My shrink has me examine a situation, for example at, work, where I screwed up; why I did what I did, how I might handle it better next time so don't hate myself so much. Sometimes I do deal with a situation better and then I have hope.

Mr. Ravenscraft's response to your question contains one way to treat depression. I am a person with depression who has found a combination of talk therapy and medication to make a profound difference in my symptoms, but I also have to work hard to examine my interactions with the world based on experiences I've has…

they use women who are past child-bearing age