Looks like a real...

If this guy can't stop biting people he needs to return to his fall back career as Howard Stern's producer.

Deadspin? More like Redspin, amirite?!?

Braun: [Receives shot in the ass]

So...five things! There are literally hundreds of numbers higher than five, so my original statement stands.

I've never understood why we laugh away the common fears - so many of them obviously evolved from really useful coping mechanisms and are still fairly sensible. Afraid of the dark? Yes - we're are creatures who cannot see in the dark, and we are really vulnerable when it is dark. Afraid of spiders? snakes? …

[Did the parents just have sex next to their kids? How did that even work?]

"I certainly hate that this has happened because it's not an accurate portrayal of the city or our paper. What I was really disappointed in is his characterizing so many people in a city with such broad terms."

"I didn't have a bad meal all week!" says Matthew Stevens of The Commercial Dispatch.

USATF: Put the swoosh back.

I'm waiting for the follow-up tweet: Of course I didn't say anything about it at first! Any of you homos ever hear of IRB? Protocol, bitches.

I was at a golf tournament a little while back. It was the final day and the last group was coming down 18. Some fans tried to get a better view of the green so they climbed up a tv tower. Well earlier that day a fan hit one if the golfers with his Volkswagen and then subsequently crashed into this same tv tower, so…

GOOD. If he doesn't show up in the show again, he can't be horribly murdered. I don't have to fear for a cat. Now I just have to fear for the rest.