The image of Mindy's face before you hit play perfectly expresses her "what the actual fuck" reaction.

A lot of places don't have mom and pop restaurants anymore.

1,695 words before Will gets to the only one you need:

I'm torn because while I hate SeaWorld, I also hate PETA. I don't particularly trust either of them to deal with this situation in a reasonable, non-batshit evil way.

Lost it at "the seniors were able to trap the man in his own sweater."

I feel like because everyone knows this, they should work to get over it. Be paralyzed for 15 seconds, realize you're being THAT asshole, and do anything.

As a black woman, I can't even begin to explain how cultural notions about your disposability and lack of work directly effect your sense of self.

You don't know how to play this game. Sit down.

Lupita, Locker lad, Lama, & Longoria link limbs & leer.

I know so many of the person you just described. What's rule #1 of not owning a TV/microwave? Make sure everyone knows you don't own a TV/microwave.

Great! Do you have any vegan recipes to share, or are you busy taking your rescue dog on a half marathon today because you don't watch TV anymore?

The Beyonce Transitive Rule of Feminist Theory has just been born.

Poor Jim Bob. He fucks her crosseyed, gives her a shitload of children, and yet the main man in her life is STILL Jesus.

"Gay man becomes first openly Brooklyn Nets player"

THIS. My dad's a minister in the church of Sweden, and the Christianity I grew up with was essentially "Jesus said it or GTFO" (with some variations in both more liberal and more conservative directions). Jesus said nothing about homosexuality. He actually said very little about sex, but a lot about acceptance, love…

For a long time I thought it would be funny to write my politicians and make suggestions for laws based on Orwell's 1984 (with out telling them the bases). Then I sat down and looked over the patriot act and some other laws and realized that they would do it themselves.

"I think we spent more on ale than anything else - including the dress!"

Love this whole story. You proposed, at the British museum, and you put a muthafuckin' ring on it! So what if you want to show off? Isn't that what engagement rings are all about anyway? As a man, I don't mind at all if my lady is proud to show me off and claim that shit with an engagement ring. Makes me feel valued…