I kind of thought they were already there, except they let Fiorina in the room.

How about: Ben Carson, Proving You Don’t Have to Be Smart to Be a Brain Surgeon

he doesn’t even GO HERE

what about daddy?

You should start calling him “dad” and see how it goes over.

Ugh, the peach thing is terrible. On a related note, my older male boss has now referred to me as “kiddo” on three separate occasions. Any advice on dealing with that one? He’s typical wealthy, white, sensitive male, so I’m worried about hurting his feelings and having him take it out on me...

UM, “could you be a peach” sounds SUPER condescending, and the choice to use it on DAY TWO of a new job with your BOSS is just ... that’s incredibly bad judgment.

Nothing is worse than gray winter. You leave for work in the dark, come home in the dark, run screaming from your car to your front door, hoping that your fingers don’t fall off from the below zero temps as you try to get the key in the door. Once you make it safely inside, you go through an entire bottle of lotion…

I want your form of synesthesia.

nah bro. fall is da best. fuckin best apples ever, beautiful sunny skies and crisp air..gtfo wit dis shit.

My two shelter mutts thank you for your service! <3

I’ve been thinking a lot about the politics and ethics of pedigree breeding lately. I just started volunteering at a local animal shelter and the weird obsession people have with breeds is difficult to accept. It’s one of the first questions people ask, and they’re not looking for breed-specific illnesses or genetic…

The next time (on the street) when a stranger asks what kind of dog my dog is, instead of saying, well he’s a shelter dog-so we think Great Dane and hound but he might have some boxer or pit or lab! I’m just going to say, “he’s a fancy dog.” And then walk away.

You know, one day I’ll be mature enough not to giggle for thirty seconds about the couple fighting over their Dog’s sperm being named the Wangsnesses.

This is a dress uniform, but is it a dress? I say yes.

True story: I once entered my home made hot sauce...the judges downgraded it for being “too hot!”. They actually wrote that on the judging form.

I mix mayonnaise into my ketchup sometimes because it’s like cheap thousand island and I’m a barbarian.

I am realizing I’m probably someone else’s abjectly terrible restaurant employee story.