Colbert and Seth Meyers have both evolved their shows in ways that I hope stick around post-pandemic. I’ve enjoyed how they’ve both loosened up a bit and incorporated their rapport and banter with their staff into the show. Colbert in particular is much better when he drops the “host” act and behaves more casually. 

I couldn’t give less of a shit what the law says. If I find a device on my car, and I don’t know what it is, and don’t know where it came from, and don’t want it on my car, I’m removing it and throwing it in the trash.

If they’re already harassing you a lot like in this case?

Its real easy to take too much edibles and then spend hours being too high. Ask me how I know.

I’ve heard she’s had some work done ...

Exactly - that’s like complaining a fire alarm is hurting your ears as you burn to death in your own house.

I have no idea how anyone even contemplates sticking something in their orifices that their parent(s) has already used in their orifices. I could understand a teenager buying the same toy that he found in his parents’ room or even shoplifting it, but using your parents’ used sex toys? No thanks.

Secret Service: “On one hand, I have to run my ass off and sweat in a suit, which sucks. But on the OTHER hand.... that would mean a 100% less chance I snap and choke the ever loving shit out of my ‘protectee’ to the point where I get tackled by my colleagues and throw in jail for doing what should, in any sane world,…

I hope she turns Pence’s self-flagellation dungeon into a kick ass personal gym at the Naval Observatory.

I’ve always wondered if secret service, FBI, etc, folks who sometimes need to be seen in suits and blend in office settings but also sometimes need to be able to chase a motherfucker down and whoop ass, have special footwear, like running shoes that camouflage as dress shoes or something? And like, sweat resistant…

I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve really taken pointless snark to the next level, Joan.

also the vast majority of people do not give 1% of 1 shit about a ‘big name director’

Yet, he was scared of an escalator.

WW84 was so bad it killed any desire in me for a sequel. Bad, bad movie.

I get the gist but this absolutely needs to happen...at least on the Harris/Pence level. She gonna eat that motherfuckers breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I get the sentiment, but no. Trump will just immediately throw out some “Biden is dodging the debates because he’s afraid of taking a drug test” bullshit that his base will love.

He seems to be couching his anti-gay views somewhere between “everybody else was doing it” and “it was a different time.”

[Brett Gelman burst in]

I live in midtown Manhattan, and I’ve never had a UPS or FedEx guy lie on the tracking info and say they’ve delivered something when they haven’t, or had any sort of problem with them at all.

As a cat landlord myself, I’m going to disagree with the word “training.” With cats, you don’t really train ‘em, you just sort of come to an understanding.