My take away from this article is that Zack is trying really hard to convince people he has a gf.

Coincidentally, the phrase “he felt it move when he tugged” is found in over 90% of Cap Thor slashfic. At the risk of ruining the innuendo with a relevant Joss Whedon reference, the hammer is his penis.

We now bring you Patton’s testimony, live from next month -

That’s pretty unacceptable, dude.