America is like a baby wearing boots on the ground. Who I tried to stab once when I was a teenager, but when West Point offered me a scholarship I said no I can’t accept. I have to get to the pyramids in Egypt where all that grain is stored and feed it to all those wimmenz so they don’t get riled up.

Ben Carson, a gentle salamander with tender paws

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 17. It lasted for two years. He was only a couple of years older than me, and had been through some pretty horrible stuff (sexual, physical abuse) and the physical abuse is what translated from his past into our relationship. I am a really headstrong person, and so I didn’t…

I got into the whole Kelly Rutherford custody thing pretty late in the game, but everything I read about that whole situation made me so confused. The more I read, the more frequently I came away thinking, “I’m sorry, what now?” It seemed like both parents were a-holes and had done a-hole things to each other. It also…

Custody battles suck, but cry not for the kids who will enjoy a lifetime of elite schools, excellent health care, top notch nutrition, and fabulous vacations that their rich parents will lavish on them. And if they’re troubled by any of this, they’ll see the best therapists. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it buys…

Today was rough.

Mr. Smuttins once banned me from watching the muli-part Frontline series on the Iraq War because, not only was I giving the TV the finger and yelling obscenities, I was getting all worked up and discussing the travesty of the entire thing until 2:00 - 3:00 AM when we had to work the next day. Still haven’t seen the…

My wife has explicitly forbidden me from watching the debates. She grew tired ow me shouting “OH, FUUUUCCCK YOOOOOUUU!” and flipping the bird at every response.

squeeeeeeee

She’s undercover, duh.