Bold statements made with conviction like your last sentence are the only reason I read this column anymore. 

He’s Jughead's dad on "Riverdale" now.

I don’t know why this is so funny, but I had to try really hard to stifle a giggle fit into a silent work laugh.

It is either: Both a cake and a sandwich, or one or the other depending on if you call it a “PB&j cake sandwich” or “pb&j sandwich cake.”

So if the minimum wage was a livable wage (let’s say $15/hr for arguments sake), wouldn’t that mean there’s no moral mandate to tip? This is presuming that people tip because waiting (there should be a different word for this. waitstaffing?) is hard work and federal minimum wage is pretty low.

Right, because nobody can do two different things throughout the course of a day. For the first time EVER, it can’t be two things.

Maybe feminist websites are like the Highlander and female rappers: There can only be one.

The source article says this affects at least 10 UN employees working in the US.

“John Waffles" was really the clincher here.

The return of Russian Guyovich!

I went to my 10 year a few months ago at the request of a friend. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but ended up blacking out. It may or may not have been for the best.

Yeah I just drink it neat.

I like Wild Turkey Rye, but your tastes may be more discerning than mine.

There was (is?) a rap duo out of Philly called The Yah Mos Def (or YMD) that made tons of references to 90s emo bands, both well-known and obscure.

I love candy corn, but sorry, the pumpkins are gross.

I ran a Blizzard 5k (sponsored by DQ) last month, same deal. Top finishers got a coupon for a free ice cream cake too.

Please no...

It’s been a rough day.

Psst, I think we’re seeing Poe’s law in action here.

I’m pretty surprised the 15 minutes of him I heard on NPR in the car didn’t result in some serious road rage. “Answer the goddamn question you fucking slug!!!”