Paul Pasqualoni looks just like Heaven’s Gate leader Marshall Applewhite but without the charisma. Matt Patricia looks like a composite of every single Barstool reader or a sloppy high school lacrosse coach (not mutually exclusive, I know).

Tom Savage got knocked out in Houston and when he woke up he was in a Lions jersey.  Shaking your head yes during a seizure is consent in Texas

like when you try to give your cousin grief over video games to make him feel normal while he slowly dies of leukemia

Fuck, man. Not even a token “NO MAGARY IM NOT WRITING ABOUT THESE FUCKS” from ZMF this year. It’s like Christmas without Santa.

Reading this article is probably the happiest I’ll be during this Lions season. Imagine being the fan of a franchise and the happiest you know you’ll be during the entire football season is reading a Drew Magary piece in freakin’ July.

All I have to say right now is, frankly, it’s amazing to me that WYTS 2019 has been going on for over a week now and still hasn’t gotten to Cleveland

Since we’re posting the Ferraris that were actually most beautiful, let’s not forget the Nembo 250GT

I know these guys are all professional athletes, but if I'm a Pirates player, there's no way in hell I'm getting anywhere near to squaring up with Puig. That guy's titty muscle is bigger than my head.

Amir Garrett’s that friend you’re happy you have but you kind of wish wasn’t your friend.

I can feel that GIF.

Can’t believe this Japanese company is putting the most iconic JRPG character for the top-selling JRPG series in Japan in their game. Cater only to Western countries, plz.

I swear to god, five years ago every other Thursday night game was Jags-Titans. I know that if you look this up online, it says that this didn’t happen. But in my soul, I know this to be true.

Shoutout to Del for the worst London burn in 350 years. 

Jexsonville Jeguars

It’s worth learning how to recognize snark online.

HEAR IT FROM JAGUARS FANS!

918 Spyder technology for 911 Turbo money...and also slower than a 911 Turbo and no more fuel efficient.

Sounds great, came 6 years too late.

God damn I wish I could huff aerosols at my job.

Guys,

If your attention is held by cleavage, an attractive face, or a shapely body in the absence of what you consider to be “compelling content,” then that’s a result of you thinking with your dick, rather than being the erudite consumer of online entertainment you believe yourself to be.

If you are led to spend money…