I need one of these the next time there is a giant mutant hairy spider in the bathroom.

OMG, you guys are putting WAAAAAY too much effort into this. The solution is extremely simple, and requires no more tools than 2 hands. Simply smack the bottom of the jar with the butt of your other palm hard enough to break the vacuum seal on the lid. You will feel this happen when it does, then simply twist the lid…

Betamax failed because porn went VHS. Porn is the reason VHS won the format wars in video.

As an insurance agent, I recommend something that you can pay cash for, liability coverage is usually about half the price of having Comprehensive and Collision coverage as well. You should also see if your insurance company has Good Student or Driver’s Ed discounts.

Last I checked, they had most of the Rare Earth Metals stockpiled.

Gnome illusionist/thief. He was small, even by gnome standards, and often juggled and did acrobatics performing as a clown, using illusions to enhance the show. He learned his magic and thievery skills when he ran away as a kid to join a gypsy circus. His small size and acrobatics made him a great ‘grease man’ style…

I still say the actual Bowling Green Massacre was when the sinkhole ate all those one-of-a-kind Corvettes at the museum.

Since we have a reality show for a gov’t now, I think this guy should have to do at least one episode of Undercover Boss before being allowed to run the Labor Department and say that his employees are being paid enough.

Does anyone else kinda halfway wish there would be a global level catastrophe, just so it would unite mankind and we’d stop this piddly bullshit about who’s peninsula is bigger?

I’ll take what I can get from them here. You’d think that a machine that makes something you can sell from the wind would go over better with the stupidly rich investment class.

That’s right, because once we get it hot enough to where it drives us extinct, the Earth will find a new equilibrium without us, and wind up in a better place.

It’s impossible to comprehend what our universe was like before the Big Bang, since it didn’t exist yet. I strongly suspect that our universe exists as a Black Hole in another universe, and all of the black holes in ours are more universes. Bubbles within bubbles...

In his defense, It was a complete fucking waste of time.

Does anyone else picture a doctor working on a dog while snowboarding when they hear the phrase ‘extreme vetting’?

Browser history? So now your choice of porn goes into consideration?!?

If they want to get paid much more than they are worth and don’t want to work more than 30 hours a week, sounds like politics is the perfect job for them!

Well, they did shut Gawker down, so now where are the people going to bitch about Trump?

I just keep getting this image in my head of the first night in the White House. He takes her to the Oval Office, gets behind her, grabs her from behind and grunts in her ear, “Bend over, I’m going to do to you what I’m going to do to the American people...”

Did they name the baby shark Jesus?

Does anyone else think that this is just like when Melania wore that ‘pussy rose’ shirt just so that Google image search wouldn’t have the first result being her nude when you searched for ‘Melania pussy’?