Puns always intended. And thank you.

I have a love/hate with potlucks because I love the concept (for all the reasons you describe), but they stress me out SO MUCH. First figuring out what to make, then worrying that I made it ok or “this tastes great, but it looks bad”, spending too much time looking at other people’s plates and the dish I brought,…

Everyone is sharing how bad it is when a coworker steals food but you know what is worse? When you have a coworker that regularly puts her delicious restaurant lunch leftovers in the fridge and they’re so much better than your shitty salad from home and you want them so much and then she DOESNT EVEN EAT them and they…

If I were eating the kind of quantity of Sour Patch Kids where enamel wear were a concern, I’d probably have other pressing health issues I’d be more concerned about. May I introduce you to my old friend Moderation?

Someone stole the last half of the last Asiago Roast Beef sandwich from Panera I WAS EVER ABLE TO GET.

Maybe they thought that a chicken salad croissant was a crime against food and threw it out. It sounds horrid.

This is the appropriate response.

I was equally horified when someone stole my sad salad that was stored in a pyrex container. It happened at my first job out of college so I was pretty broke and that pyrex container was pretty nice quality. I was super pissed for a month. Ten years later, I still refuse to put my lunch in any shared space. I got an…

Pyrex-stealers are monsters.

Yeah, that’s going to work here in NYC - it’s survival of the fittest and fuck first or be fucked

I may not be the asshole that my city deserves, but I am definitely the asshole my city needs by not letting the other asshole in at the last moment since me and my other brethren have been sitting in the correct lane for multiple signal changes.

We did something similar on our house years ago, but mounted wheels to the bottom so the whole assembly could be rolled out of the way when we needed to access things.

if they do bring it back, make sure it looks like an irradiated fish and has a hood which looks like it’s never latched.

It’s missing eyelashes though.

You got a Cobalt, and the world knows.

I’ve named him Eldridge. I name them all. For instance I would name you Herbert.

Probably needs to smoke a bowl before going on stage, mellow him out a little bit.