Yeah, I agree. I was never really able to wrap my head around the doctrine of Transubstantiation even back when I was Catholic, but I continue to be facinated by it and the Church's other rites.

Nah, that just shows they’re clearly in Satan’s corner and they’re stoned for witchcraft on the spot. Ol' Devil Bowels. That’s what we called celiac disease in my Sunday School classes.

Well, the Catholic Church’s stance is that consecrated hosts literally become the Body of Christ, and human flesh, like all meat, is naturally gluten free, so... there you go?

It’s on sale at Target for the same price, so if you have a Red Card, it’ll come out a little cheaper.

It’s on sale at Target for the same price, so if you have a Red Card, it’ll come out a little cheaper.

“The boat’s just a boat, but the mystery box could be anything! It could even be a boat!"

Just wait for the new, larger iPad: the Max iPad.

“Jim never gets pissed off over free food at home.”

“And now that you’ve enjoyed this delicious meal preserved for you by the Fresh Sealing(TM) power of Glad, please step out to our parking lot so we can discuss the most award winning car brand in America, the identity of which will surely be a surprise to you Real People, Not Actors (TM).”

To get as drunk as possible as fast as possible. Optionally with a fun story to tell in the morning about all the Four Horsemen/ Blowjobs/ Duck Farts/ Sweaty Nipples/ Insert ridiculous shot name here you were able to put away before you passed out and/or broke several public indecency ordinances.

But only in months with an “R” in the name!

Are people just baking a lot for Granny Smiths to be ranked that high? ‘Cause that’s the only thing they’re good for. Does anyone actually like eating them raw?

KFC’s menu isn’t as flexible as other chain restaurants like Mister Donut, which now serves pasta and hot dogs.

Shits is right. I think I saw that in my kid’s diaper this morning.

You could burn down a lot of houses with 800 lbs of lemons.

I love the stuff where monsters pop out at people, or furniture attacks them, or they step on a trap door or something, but that one where they seem to fake a workplace shooting is just... troubling. There’s some uncomfortable cultural dissonance right there.

It's probably less likely to make you go blind.

Synthehol?

Depending on your ambition, patience, and space constraints, you can regrow some vegetable scraps into new plants, without actually resorting to, you know, actually gardening. It just takes a glass of water or at most a margarine tub of dirt.

But no less a strong, proud, Nordic (and white!) race as the Swedes has a long*, proud tradition of Taco Friday!

The hardest part about moving to Missouri from Texas was no longer being able to just double tap “T” to select the state in an online form and then tab along to the next field. There are too many Ms! And it’s not even consistent! Sometimes they throw in Micronesia or Mariana Islands or Manitoba just to fuck with you…