I’m just imagining the entire Nobel committee sitting around on a shag carpet somewhere, smoking a joint, and somebody goes, “Man, Dylan’s lyrics are like ... they’re like poetry, man.” And someone else chimes in, “you’re so right, bro. They’re like literature. Like legit literature.” And their decision was made.

This is one of the most confusing headlines I’ve ever read.

If the armest is fixed, you must acquit.

Is it ok to pray to Allah or ...?

The Trump family is the deluxe gift basket of deplorables.

This morning, on NPR, a Pennsylvania man described Hillary Clinton as “old and overweight.” When the man’s wife countered that Donald Trump is the fat one, he responded, “Donald Trump is 230 pounds” and added something about his golf swing (?). These ad hominem attacks are ridiculous, but in no world does Donald Trump…

For a split second I thought you meant Michelle from Destiny’s Child.

This is locker room banter? Sounds like a couple of jack offs jacking off themselves and each other.

How does one grab a pussy? Unless it’s really meaty there’s nothing really to grab? Like, I can picture grabbing balls, or grabbing a wiener ... But grabbing a pussy?

Pusswater ...

This morning

Preach. Beautiful piece.

You are so fired and rehired for writing this. Bravo

One clip is examples?

This is like saying, “Man, if that had been me who was mugged, I would have stopped the guy by punching him in the face. I would have kicked his ass.” Dave Letterman talks a big talk now, but he used to pussyfoot with the best of them.

I miss Gawker.

Let me be the judge of this.

Season 2 Luke is my ultimate crush and could take me and ravish me to his penis’ content.

The investigator claimed that Burke killed JonBenet for $150 million?

Yes, nothing on Jezebel has ever been speculative or rude.