….Hopefully before.

How would that conversation go if it were taking place in Cameron and Mitchell's living room?

She'd be even more so if he simply didn't bother asking beforehand.

I thought I was the only master berater.

2060: Modern Family reboot spin-off: Post-Modern Family

Neighbours with Marion Barry?

There should be a feature on Google Maps for that.

That's what he said.

Hence the shocked look on the kids' faces.

Not to its climax.

You can use your upvotes as a challenge - like some sort of dance marathon pledge drive, except in your case, it would be a marathon jerk-off contest.

Yes, but then how else would heterosexual men ever have ideals to which everyday women couldn't possibly live up to?

Haven't you ever done it doggy-style? You can watch the football game, and have your own personal tv tray all at the same time.

There may be a point in time in the not-so-distant future, when heterosexual men decide enough is enough, and stand up as one to reclaim the bastions of manhood they once held as sacred. I would gladly volunteer to take up this cause, but I should probably ask my wife if it's ok first.

Not to mention spending good hard-earned money, only to have some d*ck-head friend or relative cause the best pages to get stuck together.

Splooge stains are hard to remove from certain surfaces.

I remember when Hef actually had discernible tastes, and he went for the fresh-faced All-American Girl Next Door. Back in the late sixties and early seventies, it was Barbie Benton. Damn, was she ever hot.

Poop, not much of a problem. Pissing with a chub is to say-the-least, tricky.

I highly recommend "Swank".

Good thing they don't load the buns with peanuts or corn niblets, 'cuz that would make my shit that much more disturbing to look at afterward.