We are living in an Oliver Stone movie. That has got to be the only explanation at this point.

I mean, we are talking about a guy whose command of English basically only includes his own surname and the phrase “You’re fired,” here.

He stopped short? That’s my move!!

Not having gotten the ones from the oven, the bear decided to leave some of his own on the homeowner’s deck.

If I saw that goddamned bear looking through my door I’d be making brownies too.

That was obviously a signal to steal second base.

I thought you said this was about the Marlins. I wasn’t expecting to see the Twins.

Wow, given that he was knocked unconscious for 12 hours I’m surprised he managed to remember the Titans

You know serious shit’s going on when you need to hide in the bushes because you don’t want to answer questions.

Damn, did you just make that?

No, to all things Cruise, no. Forevar and always, can’t do it, the Scientology sticks in my craw like a boulder. Nope.

Sources say that the Magic really want him, but that Bird is unlikely to head south until this Winter.

Yep. They definitely made a series of progressively more terrible choices on that front.

Um yeah, they were pretty liberal about spending money on exclusive TV rights to events.

“Whatever...”

What a baseless statement.

April 29th: And here he is, sitting on a couch while watching the second round of the playoffs, yet somehow reaching into the kitchen fridge for a cold mineral water.