@David Hume: Todd Haley opened a veterinarian clinic so he could put your beloved pets down in his spare time.

American Ethanol: Lets screw with food markets so we can feel better about ourselves!

@David Hume: Todd Haley cuts in the drive thru line at fast food restaurants and just takes the next order.

I was wondering why every time I turned on an Eagles game, my drink immediately started tasting like piss.

How in the world does the man concentrate on his free throws when the ghost of Len Bias is making so much noise over by the bench?

This is what happens when you wear Fruit of the Loon

@David Hume: Would you like to Vitamin C my cock?

@Donte Stallworth Driving School: Oh Tony, you insufferable shit.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: But he did have a lot of a-peel!

@UweBollocks: Oh it was funny, you and I both know that. But I immediately got the picture in my brain. Seconds ago I took a bottle full of Xanax and washed it down my throat with a bottle of wood grain alcohol so the image wudd goo awwayyy adn hAY Y R teyh latters soooo blurryrrry

@UweBollocks: -1, actual image bad enough, no need for a mental one too.

Latex Apex Infects My Cortex

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: You just don't get it do you? As the wise George Michael once said, and Fred Durst later reiterated, "You gotta have faith". (PS. Please ignore the former's sexual choices YES CHOICES and the latter's inference that one should do anything, let alone, "it all" for…

@Telemundo: Make a joke at least.

@Pete Gaines: The NCAA is separate from the BCS. The NCAA gets no money from this bowl (I'm not 100% certain about non-BCS bowls). I would say they are still heavily invested in how well it does in ratings.

You might want to slow down on these NCAA pieces Barry. The harder you look and the harder you try to make sense of all this, the faster your brain melts away. You'll be writing for Bleacher Report in no time at this pace.

@norbizness:

@gulag: I'm no expert so I can't get all fancy with computer jargon, but there is a linking website inbetween here and the final destination. The intermediate website is an auto-link to the twitter page so when you hit back you get sent to the link that resends you to twitter. Click back twice and you get back here…

The Commonwealth Games:

@UweBollocks: I will be using this sometime this weekend. Hilarious.