“I can eat anything. After practice I can stop at McDonald’s. I don’t have a problem with gaining weight, thank god.

“Honey, how about on the way home from work I pick up some take-out for us?”

Or the cool accent and lunatic charm.

If Brunell thinks this is funny, he’s really going to lose it if he ever has a beer with OJ.

I love that whenever SAS can use the word “now,” he instead says “at the this particular moment in time” and thinks that makes him sound smart.

Who do you think Pop is hurting or betraying by not answering these silly questions?

What do we need this book for? Oprah already told us the path to happiness, as described in the book The Secret, is to simply wish real hard for what you want.

Wow. That’s a great price. Thanks for the tip.

I watched Reservoir Dogs the other night, for the first time in 10 years. Besides being reminded that it’s my favorite Tarantino movie and that the scene of Tim Roth learning his speech is a classic, I was struck by how not-unattractive Steve Buscemi used to be.

Telisme doesn’t shoot or kill anybody besides the person he has beef with, which makes him look like a pretty reasonable gun-owner by contemporary standards.

This reply below was initially addressed to “The Noble Renard,” but he dismissed it, so I hope you don’t mind that I’m going to leave it here:

The third suspect was released.

Just like Fox News commenters should be able to acknowledge that some white criminals are terrorists, Jezebel and Gawker commenters should be to acknowledge that some Muslim criminals are terrorists.

Other than “right in front of the toilet,” I can't think of a worse place for a rug than right under the dining table.

I have no idea about this case, on particular, but if you require a threshold of >99.9% before accepting something as truth, I don’t know how you or anybody else could function.

Actually, inference an assumption are practically polar opposites. You should look up their meanings.

But isn’t that the exact assumption most people were making after the PP shooting?

Ooooooh! Nailed him!

This is the Lascaux Cave paintings of white guilt.

$22.5M?!? Jesus. Jeff Dunham is a criminally unfunny ventriloquist whose act is more than a little racist. I’m going back to bed.