Lame, lame, lame. In the last 7 years, they are 54-16 with a .771 winning percentage outside of the AFC East. So they are beating everyone, not just the Jets Bills and Dolphins.

Maybe these moves are why they've been in a position to consistently "win dick" for a decade? Maybe their sustained relevance is why you have to keep writing these pieces?

"Haven't won dick in a decade" is such a bratty throw away line at the end there. Huge Pats fan here, in full disclosure, so that's out there. However, in the theme of reading all of Drew's "Why Your Team Sucks" columns, how would you describe other teams that don't even sniff the playoffs, .500 record, Super Bowl…

As a lifelong Giants fan, even I'm scratching my head at "haven't won dick in a decade." Two AFC championships, a few conference finals and not a single-digit-win season since 2002 is quite a bit more than "dick."

"Haven't won dick in a decade." I mean yeah they haven't won the Super Bowl in a decade, but getting to five AFC Championship Games in nine years, and winning two of them, is an accomplishment. Of course Brady is going to be upset about this. But if you put players in charge of managing the salary cap it would be a…

2014 NFL PR Campaign Slogan: You can hit your wife, just don't hit that bong.

Your airline ticket includes a reclining seat. You are not a D-bag if you choose to recline. If that infuriates you, upgrade to business class or pay the person in front of you not to recline.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that music in that video is a little too intense for showing grass, right?

Tying a North Face around your waist: because you can take the kid out of a prep school, but...

Or you could just stand outside for an hour and save yourself $586.

Next team up (today): THE NINERS.

"But if it was easy, then it wouldn't be special. That's why Notre Dame is special."

While that would be awesome to see Weird Al play, 150k is roughly 0.1% of the Super Bowl audience so the NFL is probably not making a terrible move by ignoring it.

Maybe I should hold myself to a higher standard, guy who named himself after Bells Palsy.

I wonder who bought her old playbook?

I was planning on proposing to my then girlfriend (now my wife) at the Superdome, so I called the Saints organization to try and get field passes. After being transferred numerous times, I somehow got Mickey Loomis' number and explained to him how my girlfriend was a die-hard fan and how it would make her very happy…

"It comes off more like sending a couple a Christmas card after you ran over their kid."

This is how I know that Lovie Smith is taking this team in the wrong direction. A real Schiano Man would never reflect.

I can't believe people still think this bullshit is funny. It's not funny at all. It's fucking childish and juvenile. I just want to select my favorite football boys to play on my imaginary team in peace for fuck's sake.