His "new site" doesn't exist. It may never exist. As will be made abundantly clear to you once you actually read this article.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you the most highly evolved man on the planet.

I like that he lays his cards on the table in the first sentence: ALL athletes, including but not limited to the pros, are beholden to him. You can be expecting a call about your questionable lazer tag methods shortly ...

...Felger?

I love ragging on Rovell as much as the next guy, but this is pretty unfair. I mean, yes, he's rewriting press releases. He came from the business world with CNBC. Many of those financial web sites basically rewrite press releases for things like earnings, M&A, etc. It's not like he's lifting text wholly unchanged,…

I spent a few years working as a prison guard just outside of Philadelphia. Although, there could be regional differences, but to me, it's pretty obvious. Based on his tattoos, I can easily tell that Aaron Hernandez will never get a job at a bank.

The Kanji on his right arm clearly say "Die Bart Die"

Oh Tim, you're so naive. The Cavs, LeBron's former team, got the 1st pick. The Heat, Lebron's current team, got the 26th pick. 1-26? Do I have to spell it out for you? It's the number of letters in the alphabet. Now, let's break down that word, "alphabet." Al, a popular name. Pha, a phonetic spelling of a…

My fiance, 20 minutes into this last night:

"We're committed to transparency here at Gawker Media," - Best spit-take line I've read in awhile.

His first mistake was to trust a writer at Deadspin. There's not ethics involved in this operation, yet they are always the first ones to call someone to the carpet over perceived inappropriate language or behavior.

I hate defending Mushnik, but if someone says to call and make a conversation between the two participants only, then maybe it's best to just do that first.

You're coming off only slightly better than him in all this.

People don't go to Chipotle because they want Mexican food. People go to Chipotle because they want Chipotle.

"Chipotle's food isn't even that good."

Wow. I guess you visited Boston once and got beat up by a nine year old girl. That stinks.

But Boston....or something.

Not one of you Deadspinners is suspicious of this report? For one, it uses an old logo. We're just trusting "BroBible" now?

Update: It's fake, not that "Bro Bible" should probably have been thought to have some deep sources inside foxboro.

Right after Deadspin posts another article trashing ESPN for talking about Manziel too much.