Presumably your cats don’t wake you up every ninety minutes and scream for thirty minutes for an entire year. Exhaustion like that is how you forget your baby in the backseat.

Also wasn’t that shooter homeschooled because he had issues? Other than the mom who taught him to shoot, who was going to notice changes in his behavior?

I think it’s interesting that this video on behalf of the Sandy hook charity is about watching fellow students for signs of mental health issues and “obsessions” with gun violence (like asking teens to police each other on that stuff is simple) when the guy who shot up Sandy Hook didn’t attend the school in the first…

Right? And he is a godsdamned vet too? Does he also work at the shelter and donate half his paycheck to the local orphanage? And people hate him!

Lololol I can’t. I just fucking can’t.

Fuck all of this. Fuck everything. Idris Elba should be every Santa, everywhere.

ETA: someone makes the Santa-MLK connection in the ex-comments as well. I’m actually starting to feel deeply disturbed at how readily white people are jumping to Martin Luther freaking King as the Black equivalent of Santa Clause.....

Except she didn’t say we had to give him a chance. She said we had to give EACH OTHER a chance. Which, sure, includes Donald Trump, but it’s definitely not the full-throated support flowerchild suggests she gave. Dolly also pointed out that when things go wrong, we need to step in and make them right. Sounds like she…

Gabrielle, I love you, but now that you have compared Donald Trump with National Treasure Dolly Parton, you and I are in a fight. :(

Can they bring in Heather Locklear or Rob Lowe? #seasonsavers

Right, because god knows people like Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are never, ever smug.

Right? Oh, am I an intellectual elitist because I like facts? Well, so be it then.

“That’s been around forever. If you keep reporting on it, it’s going to grow like a cancer,” Paula said. “If you forget about it, it’s probably going to go away. The media has to hop on everything and it’s wrong.”

I can picture him reciting them is his fantastic voice. Oh, I really do need to go back and re-watch that show again!

this almost makes me want to like wedding hashtags. ALMOST.

#Rentatag

Yes! Tom Haverford would have the BEST wedding hashtags.

It’s funny, because most of my full-Chinese family qualifies, but I don’t because I have the misfortune of European grandparents.

Every time Kellyanne Conway speaks, a bird flies into a window.