@junior ghoul: Hard. Core.

Well, since we can't all be so badass...

Gordonium is survived by his mother, father, two brothers, beloved girlfriend, and an enviable collection of single vineyard Pinor noir.

Why aren't you sitting in Nick Denton's chair? Seriously, Jack Loftus Day shouldn't be confined to just Gizmodo.

I was always told to use sassafras twigs whilst camping for extended periods of time.

The next telescope will consist of atomically smooth mirrors and lenses, and a chamber for the Aperture Cat and the Shutter Hand.

Yeah, all I saw was a giant concrete Swingline.

In Russian Federation, Earth is Mars, Cosmonauts are Terranauts.

Why settle for one when you could have both?

Cool story, broman.

NASA had a hard time finding pilots for this program, as their hair had to be at a calculated angle as well.

@The Rodge: Lol, yes. I'ma go with @.

Either @ THIS MAN IS VERIFIABLY INSANE or @ THIS MAN IS THE GREATEST TROLL EVER

@maxinNrelaxin: *udder

That reminds me... I haven't had fast food in like six weeks. I think I'll treat myself today. And not look up the nutrition facts.

The perfect pairing!

@dtptampa: I secretly miss Telnet and its texty gateway to MUDs.

@DaCrusher: And in an earthquake, it magically transforms into Willow Smith Tub.

Elvis Pompilio? Dear Christ it looks like it was designed by Elvis Presley. Ouch.

If there were a way to successfully cross slot machines with lottery scratch cards, then I'd be a... potentially rich and happy soul! Just one more pull-scratch...