I have never met or seen anyone, anywhere, who speaks like Trump. Honestly, it’s like listening to an alien trying to approximate human speaking. He has a vocabulary of about 300 words, and he always has to talk about himself. And he never learns or understands what he’s talking about, so he just says whatever…

They prefer the Fire to toys? Blasphemy! Good thing the fire’s cheaper than a lot of toys.

Looks like you had an amazing time. Did you get any treats for your boys?

My user ID: YourMom

These are way too cool for just one gender. Seriously, what Pokémon fan wouldn’t want these? (OT did you ever get a Polaroid, Mike? I took some really nice family pics when I was home. Worth every penny.)

That went quite poorly for you.

We all do, buddy. Often.

I mistook “borscht” for “abortion.”

Look at pizza from some other countries. There’s some seriously heinous stuff out there.

The adults stopping the kids from playing are children; the kids who chose to stick together are the grown ups.

Did you miss the part about how he’s done several anti-Semitic things in videos and recently deleted 3 of them? An off the cuff joke is a little remark thought of extemporaneously. Hiring people to hold up a sign is not off the cuff.

Do you need a hug?

Dude, just stfu. You’re embarrassing yourself.

No one’s whining. We’re calling him out for making unfunny, anti-Semitic jokes. Criticism and whining are very different things. The more you post, the dumber you look.

I had no idea they were different things for over a year. I thought the Wii U was an add-on or upgrade, not a new system.

Best gif reply possible.

They’re right, you know. You are, indeed, a fucking moron.

The Peter Sellers film most germane to Trump is Dr Strangelove. I picture Trump holed up in the Oval Office ranting about Purity of Essence while manning an enormous machine gun. Kind of like this:

You don’t think “crepuscular rays” sounds cool? How do you think that would make the magnificent and crepuscular Babou feel?

Why didn’t they just call it Mokepon?