He’s half Jamaican for fuck’s sake! A half-Jamaican excelling at hockey is as close to a Cool Runnings story we are going to get! Let’s laud the guy.

Now if there was only some sort of government standard to get morons to turn OFF the DRLs and turn ON the head and tail lights when its dark, rainy, foggy or snowing out......

Nope. As a soccer fan I must insist that the biggest problem with baseball is there aren’t any tie games. End the games at the ninth inning. In the playoffs, have a home run derby if it’s still tied after the bottom of the ninth. There: fixed it for you.

oh ok, now i get it

Stop using this unoffical concept image. It gets people’s hopes up and just makes them angry. It’s not going to look like this. In all likelihood, it’s going to be a rebadged Everest.

Wait - who goes to such crazy lengths to buy trees? I bought a real tree at Home Depot. It’s 7 feet tall and only cost $40.

Boooooo

Is there any real scientific benefit to doing 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups and 300 squats? It really seems like there would be a point of diminishing returns here.

Yes I do not get why people not understand this. Most minor league teams struggle with budget, which is why many minor league team have crazy fan things to get butts in seats.

Dances With Wolves taught me that shitty white people make the best Native Americans

This is exactly why I would never take my kid to a NFL game. All I could think about is one of these drunk, Trump supporting assholes rolling over my rail-thin son and smothering him. I’d hate to have to beat 10lbs off of someone just to make sure my kid doesn’t suffocate.

Please, please, please, let the Trump-Pence administration’s first full scale scandal... be the contents of leaked emails.

SAMIR Shit, shit, shit, shit. Son of a bitch! Shit! This is a - fuck! Son of  a bitch! Shit!  MICHAEL What happened?  PETER You tell me, Michael, it’s your software!  SAMIR Yes, it’s your software!  PETER Corporate accounting is sure as hell going to notice 305, 3 (grabs the  receipt) 26.13!! Michael!!  MICHAEL Oh…

Armed: Handgun. Heavily Armed: “Assault Rifle” Of course, you also have to keep this in mind:

Forgot to mention the part where if you use this for online multiplayer it transforms you into the biggest cheating douche the world has ever seen and even corrective surgery will not restore you to being less of a douche than before.

I can’t believe this is the shit we argue about in 2016 and that Donald Trump could be our president next week. What the hell happened?

You’re right, the only thing that would have made that dunk contest better would have been a fucking tie

It has been 9 years since I deployed to Iraq. I spent 15 months there doing convoy recovery. Since I got back I’ve dealt with at times crippling PTSD, and about three years ago my therapist recommended I try playing a more realistic war game, as it apparently helps many people (though honestly I don’t know how). At…

I want to go as Drew on chopped but I can’t find a store that sells a shirt even remotely as bad as that one

Somewhere on a street corner in Toronto, a hot dog cart vendor is shedding a solitary tear.