Hahaha!

"I HAVE A CRUSH ON THE RECEPTIONIST BUT THAT BITCH WON'T SMILE AT ME. TYPICAL."

...said no one, ever (except just this once).

Get it, gurl. I had 1 syringe worth stuffed in there a few months ago. No one could tell (which was both good AND made me want 2 syringes...) but I loved finally wearing dark lipstick and having it not look like tiny, receded, old man mouth.

THAT. GIF. WINS.

This is complete one-up-manship, but I let a guy friend (I'm a woman — we've never been into one another) share my bed once and I woke to find him yanking it while looking at porn on my laptop. He still doesn't know I saw him, and I am totally saving this story for my speech at his wedding.

Reading all these comments has makes me want to take a shot with everyone.

I just read through the replies hoping I'm not the only person concerned she might be one or more of those "bad" friends types. Not sure if the lack of similar responses means I'm paranoid or the only shitty person who reads Jezebel? This was fun...:/

Replying with the unpopular opinion that I *hate* the word "pussy." Hate it. And I promise I have no secret genital shame. Team Cunt all the way!

Your response strikes me as incredibly thoughtful. I'm struggling to understand how the hashtag is a problem, but your acknowledgement that you might not be in the best position to understand (like "privilege blindness" or something) struck me as the right position to take. From one stranger to anther: Respect! :)

Citizen-Kane-slow-clap-gif for you, madam.

You are my hero.

THIS. My ex talked the equality talk better than anyone, but as far as I can tell he doesn't even know where the grocery store is.

"Sure, darling goofopet, we can totally adopt a kid. After we've had a real one."

This is my favorite headline today.

Maybe "they" didn't agree with your choice of shining some light on old goofopet.

WHUT. IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS — thanks!

I'm so deep in the greys that no one will hear me but I LOVE this thread. I am now counting down the minutes until I can go home, take off my pants, open some wine, cranks up the sad songs and have a good cry.

(because apparently he goes to school in a tense legal drama from the '90s).