"I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul" is a top five all-time movie line to me. Not a great movie, but dear God, that line is incredible.

I love everything about this story (except skipping out on the check. I hope you fuckers get a raging case of gonorrhea).

While working at Starbucks (not in a mall or near a food court or anything) I once had a woman wander in and demand "one of them hotdog pretzels."

At amusement parks people believe every stand sells every food. I did four years at the funnel cake stand and people constantly ordered: cheese fries, corn dogs, pizza, nachos, cheese steaks etc. before seeing the twelve copies of the menu that stated that we served funnel cakes and funnel cakes with ice cream. I…