The story didn't make me tear up but yours did. If only there was a way to bottle that thing you experienced and share it with the world.

Can you ask your parents if they'd like to adopt a fully-baked 45-year old woman?

Do they have to use the title of my favorite book? Which has absolutely nothing to do with nerds? I'm sorry Katherine Dunn, really.

Kanye is actually the perfect match for Kim. He would never want her to move to Minnesota, he's in the business, he loves the bling life as much as she does, he's black and his name starts with a K.

Suri is 5. However, if you know anything about Suri, she may or may not be a fashion blogger already.

And OMG I just noticed Mrs. Obama in that forest green dress. WOW.

Suri Cruise? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter?

All I have to say is they're a lovely family and I smile whenever I see them and I'm so proud to have them in the Whitehouse.

How many brilliant Jezebel readers does it take... :)

I don't know, eleventy-thousand times? It doesn't matter because you missed my point completely so this is the part in the conversation where I take my martini and go look for someone else to chat with.

I think what Dolly meant is not that people don't hold these opposing points of view simultaneously, but that the existence of a candidate or a movement or a party that does is "not a thing".

Sorry, most of those are Dems.

Adam Sandler? ADAM SANDLER?

Joely Richardson is wearing about $15,000 worth of Louis Vuitton.

I think someone told her to speak slowly and taaaake her tiiiiiiime, and it showed. I've heard her speak (during her mother's campaign) and she's very articulate and engaging, she just needs to find her cadence. Hopefully she'll show people that although her name got her the gig, her talent earned her the gig.

She chose EXACTLY such a job. There must be hundreds of qualified and degreed career journalists who would give their left eye to sit across Brain Williams, but they have ordinary surnames. I'm not saying she can't grow into the position and be good at it (she's brilliant) but to say she was chosen for her…