I have a $50 Olive Garden gift card in my car. I don't want it but I can't think of anyone to give it to that would not be insulted by it.

Breadstix R Us

I don't think I could choke down mayo and pineapple chunks...I've done a lot to hold on to jobs but I don't think my stomach would let me...I'd have to claim severe allergies and hope she believed me. Mayo hits my gag reflex all wrong, always has. A thin smear, maybe I could wait til she left to regurgitate, it makes…

Hmm, "douchefraggle". Now we have a wonderful word for these people.

Restaurants and cocaine go together like PB&J. What a bunch of lunatics.

fuck you, man. it's bad enough that it's a monday but to do this to me?

I KNEW one of these fuckers would show up. I just fucking KNEW it.

Why doesn't this have more recommends

RETURN OF THE EGG WARS!!!!!!!!!

It's breakfast. They may have not been fully awake, so cut them some slack. Besides mix the eggs is a pretty straightforward way to describe what they wanted.

Same way they become adults without ever hearing of scrambled eggs (seriously, IS there another generally-accepted/widely-known term for scrambled eggs? No, there is not.)

EGG WAR CONTRIBUTION:

Not that awful, he managed to stagger off the fairway. I'm pretty sure my cousin's ball hit the branch, not the squirrel, since the crack was really loud. And those drives that skim the grass don't have a lot of power behind them.

Seriously, does the world lose ANYTHING if the Canada Goose goes extinct? I'm all for species preservation in most cases, but there are a few creatures that the world would just be WAY better off without.

Oh my God it's awful and I can't stop laughing

NO BECAUSE IT'S OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS.

And the comments come full circle. Elegantly done, Pinkham.

I'm a bleeding-heart vegetarian who doesn't even swat mosquitoes (because who am I to end their brief mosquitoey lives over a minor inconvenience?) and I'm with you all the way. Geese are the Nazis of the animal kingdom - hence the term "goose-stepping" - and I hope they all get hit with javelins tomorrow and go…

I have literally no sympathy whatsoever for Canada Geese. If someone wants to, to pick a completely random example off the top of my head, hit one with a javelin, I'm totally OK with that.