Who will play Sean Penn?

Poot Kardashian

Why is it that when I see Lea Michele’s face I want to punch it so bad??? This bugs me! I don’t like feeling that hateful towards someone I don’t even know. Help me!!!!!!!!!

My dog tried to hide a petrified squirrel in the couch cushions. Bring on the yellow prune.

It might take too long to explain to her what ‘ no one is watching’ means.

I don’t know, but we should definitely harass Schumer about it as much as possible.

Beelzebubba, Satan’s cloyingly aw shucks country cousin.

I recently moved to a big city after a several years in a super sexist, mid-sized town. I have to find all new everything (dentist, accountant, etc.) and I decided this week that I would purposely only search for female dentists, accountants, etc.

“I have one additional suggestion: shut up.”

Indicator light?

It would make it SUUUUPER hard not to poke my partners balls and say “Phooooone....HOOOOME” at every available opportunity.

Big red light right under the glans, glaring at you like the Eye of Sauron. That should make things clear.

I wanted to make a joke but it wasn’t hard enough, so here is a semi.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I’ve watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain.

I cannot applaud that polite burn by Schwimmer any more. “No, I don’t think I’ll be doing your little E! show, thank you very much.”

You don’t know what you’re talking about. I hate you from reading this comment you have left. If you could see my body language right now, you would get the feeling that I’m repulsed, saddened, and horrified from the way I have bent myself into a pretzel while sobbing and spanking my own ass at the same time. Email,…

This is not a bad problem to have. It’s fucking fantastic, in fact.

That excavated slowly :)

That’s the solution! BABIES NEED TO EAT WENDY!