Great. I was already pissy ‘cause the dishwasher broke and I can’t afford a repair guy. Back to Seamless and chardonney in Tetra-paks.

Sharpie all the things!

It’s a damn camellia, bless her heart.

Hmph. My Southern lifestyle consists of shifts from Goodwill and bourbon in my juice glasses, ‘cause who the hell wants to polish silver anyway? (Sorry, Granny. I still think it’s pretty, but...)

When your phone will only load the head graphic and you can still say ‘yep, it’s Torch!’

All I can say is holy Moses, all the best to them both.

I’m still mad at my brother for ending his in a ball of flame.

I will think kindly of my ex when he stops being a jackass. Until then, no holiday for you! Come back one year.

It may be too late for Manimal, but there are always Gargoyles. (Upon further review, that may have not helped my point)

CarFax. You had ONE job.

Should Texas and PMS ever sync up, I am there.

Star-spangled fucknugget.

My work here is done.

Semi-solid twatwaffle. (Not you, Torch. Maybe.)

Like the man said, drink water. ;)

Ugh. I go into work at 7:30.

I... I only thought I knew love before.

That is fantastic!

Avoid college campuses. Those fuckers have nothing better to do.

The concealer- does it work??? Been burned by too many pretty products making empty promises.