Thanks to my wife’s IUD, I too am a finisher in the box.

I bet he tells you how much he hates lazy people on welfare before heading down to the social security office.

If it was any other player playing like that in Triple-A, he wouldnt have a job anywhere.

 Drowning in Dongs was right there, my man

He’s basically now a 6-ft-something thumb with stubble, eyes and a pile of macaroni salad for a brain.

[Grumbles in Belichick]

It’s known as Pennsyltucky for a reason.

Pro-tip to anyone who has skipped to the comments first: don’t eat while reading this, I started laughing as I swallowed a bite of pork chop and almost choked out at my desk. On the upside, had I died here at least there wouldn’t be actual porno open on my computer (that’s later this morning).

Clearly an audience that neither likes nor properly appreciates porno.

that goatee makes him look like one thing and one thing only

Hey, if you had to play for Billy Martin and also play guitar alongside Jon Anderson you’d be doing lines too.

+1 hidden video camera

Based on that logo, I hope Houston will be starting the reanimated corpse of Warren Moon at QB.

Please, for the love of god, tell me you told him that the only way is if he gets a monitor that rotates.

When it’s someone who’s into “pee stuff” you get a very different punchline...

lol, I don’t even have to click play to know what this is and how it goes, because any time I read/hear the words “Mumford & Sons” this immediately comes to mind. They fucking suck.

In that case it would be "stick it to you for sports"

Much as I want MLS to succeed, I don’t see how a model in which logically the league will have 50+ teams in a few years is, you know, sustainable. 

Man, turns out Alexi Lalas is a galaxy-brained douchenozzle moron. Who could have seen this coming.