I’m perfectly fine with it replacing Red Man Gruden as the running joke of the season.

I will never tire of Deadspin’s repurposing of that graphic.

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

I actually hoped he would retire over this. Because even though I am a hypocrite who still watches and follows the NFL religiously, I am basically rooting for every player in the league to retire at all times and hopefully save themselves from a life of misery.

Texans owe the Browns a 3rd rounder if Johnson plays 10 games for Houston, not the Browns owing Houston

Looks amazing.

I was rooting for dishwasher chicken.

So, um, who are the people who worked for him at Grantland and aren’t at the Ringer? Zach Lowe, Bill Barnwell, and Jonah Keri? He’s saying he wouldn’t want to have the best basketball, football, and baseball writers currently slinging copy still working for him?

Even in this current mess of a political environment we now live in, I find an unhealthy amount of happiness knowing that Bill Simmons is out there somewhere trying to convince himself that anyone would know who he was if not for ESPN.