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goatiest

Is there some other way to pronounce his stupid name?

The dogs make sandwiches?

Yes, this is batshit and racist. Just getting that out of the way so my pedantry isn’t misconstrued.

I realize you can’t fit every show on this list and I haven’t seen a majority of the shows you did list, but it seems criminal to ignore The Tick, Misfits, Future Man and People of Earth, which were all great and hilarious.

He plays Hercule Matlock.

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I prefer his work as two gay tennis pros in Posh Nosh.

Technically he was descended from Elros the half-elf.

It’s hard out there for a fake Moby!

Oh come on, spiders most certainly are bugs in the colloquial sense of bug meaning any small crawling arthropod. You think he was supposed to object that spiders aren’t part of the Hemiptera order?

Until this article, I’ve never even heard of Antonio Brown. Congratulations? You’ve exploited the glitch that is me being interested in articles about glitches in our information society. I stopped reading when the article switched to talking about Martha Stewart advertising whatever Postmates are.

Why did I think this article was going to be worth reading? Dear A.V. Club/Telemundo/whoever the fuck runs this place now, please bring back Sean O’Neal and Nathan Rabin.

I never understood the appeal of this show. It seemed like a shitty Golden Girls knockoff with extra Southern-ness.

Truly, he is the Don Knotts of our time.

Olympians live on Mt. Olympus. You’re thinking of Olympic athletes.

I’m sorry your mother was prone to anger and violence. I’m not a ray of sunshine, but I’m generally nice to people. Maybe the people you thought were nice when in a good mood weren’t really all that nice.

It’s hard out there for a fake Moby!

Man, I don’t know how to respond to that. Congratulations on never having lived with depression? I’ve always struggled with depression, but I have always thought of myself as a kind person. I doubt this unsubstantiated anecdote will change your mind.

You think depressed people all ooze meanness?

Even if he wasn’t threatened by MS-13, wouldn’t publicly stating that you sold a brick of heroin get you in trouble with the feds? I don’t understand how he thought this is something you can talk about in public, true or not.