As a kid I was taught it was polite to eat everything your host puts in front of you. On a family trip to Boston when I was nine, I think, we went to a nice restaurant. The kind of place with great service. I drank a glass of water, and somebody was immediately there to refill it. I dutifully drained it. And it was…

The very first time I ever got high, I sat in my kitchen, and using a butter knife (and only a butter knife), proceeded to eat an entire brick of cream cheese.

Was over at a friends house a few weeks ago, he had his mother and step-father in town from the east coast. Dinner and wine was great, he put out fancy chocolate for dessert. Everyone is just sitting around the dinner table, telling stories, the usual bull.

Oh - I got this won.

I knew the gal he swatted in Tucson...

Scared the shit out of us.

I’m glad he get caught.

You’re a little slow on the uptake here. My wife already knew he was appealing.

Wait a second, there’s no fucking monorail?

Jerome Boateng: September 3, 1988—May 6, 2015

This is Rev Halofan on the left, seriously.

No no, you heard it wrong. Bartolo Colon added chives to his lunch. Which he ate.

METS CHIDE BARTOLO COLON FOR EATING LUNCH.

And yet somehow *I* was the mediawhore/distraction.

Something tells me that when that cop got done playing catch with the white kids he probably played tackle with a black kid.

15 million dollars for something that’s only used 8 times a year??? Please make the check out to My Dick.

Theon Greyjoy Night did not turn out to be the synergistic success the Royal’s marketing department had been predicting.

I've seen people pretend they were Superman, but this is the first time I've seen someone pretend to be Christopher Reeve.

He fielded a good enough defense to get him out from under most of his charges.

Vindication has been long coming for Don Imus.

#NeverForget