How about, anyone who *isn’t* reunited on time automatically gets a green card?

Thank God SOMEONE is still doing Bear Friday.

The helpful and informed man at the bar the other day advised me that, in fact, all soccer players are gay.

While we’re on the subject, I think it’s extremely fucked up that ANYONE is nominated to ANY political position FOR LIFE. What the hell is that? It goes against everything we know about human nature.

Dude seriously couldn’t have waited another 6 months? I mean it’s not a given that we’ll be in a stronger position in the next Congress, but we’re in no position to have any effect on Trump’s choice now. He’ll be nominated and confirmed by November, if not by August.

As John Oliver said, with all the indictments and guilty pleas if this is indeed a “Witch HUNT!?!!!” then witches are fucking real and that business back in Salem was righteous justice.

Settle for state flags? Because if so, that bear flag of California would look fine across a face.

Why does he always stand there like a big dummy? He looks like he’s wearing a Trump mask in that picture. And why is it that in any picture where he doesn’t have that I-shit-myself-and-you’re-gonna-clean-it smile does it look like he’s forcing a dry turd out of his burger hole?

The only person stunned by this development is, still, Sterling Brown.  

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

The spirit of Tomsula lives on.

Run to the Hills......said The Prisoner. Hallowed be thy Name-Evangelicals

Original strength Carrot Top or anabolic strength Carrot Top?

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen: That Guy.

Are you serious? They are on the highway and those trucks have speed limiters.

You’re a fucking idiot. It’s 100% on the car.

Jack, why doesn’t Splinter have a White House press reporter to grill Huck-abilly?

I do wine sales in Augusta during Masters Week, and I really hope this guy shows up so I can tell him how poorly his wine sells.

Where is the downvote option?

Tom,