“Also i am white and cant really jump.”

nope... spanx

It's an election between Jack and Shit, and Jack just left town

I wanna miss the whole thing

Here’s to hoping! Just keep the Bears! coming too..

You’re a monster. The HORROR

Ugh. Cmon man

BOO THIS MAN!

Not enough stars

Is Affleck drunk? He’s slurring like Sarah Palin

1. Getting hit by a car

One does not “void” the bladder... One “voids” one’s bowels. Also, go #1 is WAY too high on that list.. It should be a fineable offense for anyone over the age of 4 to utter.

A world where Eternal Sunshine is considered a better film than Apocolypse Now is not a world I want to live in. I blame Donald Trump

What are these alternatives you speak of?

I vote you get stoned and start throwing out alternative interpretations. Always works for me when reviewing coworkers code

I have killed many more bees than bees have killed me. Score me ?! Bees 0. Me > Bees

The hot take on bees is spot-on. Fuck bees. Also, the existence of bees has rendered me unable to take my eyes off of a beverage whilst outdoors. I know that little fucker is gonna get in there and sting the shit outta my lip when I just wanna sip of a nice cold beer. That’s the only valid reason to drink High Life…

Especially from someone who is a descendant of a rock

I’m pretty sure that’s Danny Devito