One of the imaginary ones, I assume.

A second game would probably be another round of licensing agreements.

As a penis-bearing member of the species, I agree.

Can’t ban the guns. Can’t take them away. Can’t even make guns hard to acquire. But, stealing from Chris Rock, there isn’t shit in the constitution about ammunition. You need to be licensed to purchase ammunition. The license needs to be renewed every two years. There will be a mandatory gun safety training every…

I’m sorry. Maybe they changed in the twelve years I haven’t lived in mitten but I distinctly remember the UP having their own wrestling championships, track for the 3 people who could dig their ass out of the snow, probably basketball but inbreed swedes can’t play basketball so who cares. But the teacher in Wisconsin…

Oh come on. A lot of us know that’s where the records are kept.

Being out of state makes it much easier.

Jesus. There was a year I was up there when it snowed October first. Then it didn’t stop until the end of fucking April. Everyday in January and almost everyday in February. It’s not god’s country. It’s the Norse version of hell.

These columns and the super bowl are the only contact I have with professional football anymore. Publicly financed stadiums, the treatment of women, the treatment of players, the coverups of concussion data, all are reasons I don’t watch anymore. But if I’m being honest, the fact that my team was the Lions made it so…

Good. Let’s start this. I grew up in the lower peninsula then spent four years in the upper. I can honestly say that every stereotype about racist, hillbilly, backwards, inbred, uneducated, shit-kicking imbeciles applies to yoopers. The upper peninsula is a stretch of trees broken by a two lane highway interspersed…

Yes. But he still coached their only playoff win.

Wayne Fontes. Still the Lions’ most successful coach.

My children ate the last zombie. You would be surprised the paperwork you need to fill out with the zombie union in that situation.

I was a Lions fan. I gave up. It’s easier. You’re actually a good human being on Sundays. Not watching the foosball has made me a better human.

You are very obviously located in the United States.

There aren’t enough stars in the sky for this one. Or Burneko’s but he doesn’t need us to polish his crown.

I didn’t even cry at the press conference.

There was one dropped on my front step yesterday. I put it in the recycling.

A lich doesn’t die until you destroy its phylactery. Sepp’s is money. Good luck.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!