I misread the first story so am now imagining Theo Epstein and Gregg(gg?) Easterbrook in charge of the Browns. Would that be a better alternative?

Brock Lesnar has let himself go lately

On his knees crying?

Fred Smoot says no thanks

See...sportsmen and women kneeling when the anthems are played offends the flag. What other reason could there be for this??

Tony has no room to talk...because he’s too drunk to form words?

“the NFL rulebook covers actually this, with no wiggle room.”

Still out. And probably more painful...not so many stump mics here

Where's piggy poop balls when you need him?

These comments feel like someone asked Joe Morgan about cycling...’they use technology...burn then’

So who were they trying to get to win a bunch sprint? Noted sprinters Froom, Thomas, Stannard, Cummings or Yates??

More than a golazo to the dong?

Stealing curling stones maybe beats Timmes?

Don’t think Wales created any reasonable chances in open play. Nothing wrong with one shot one goal tactics given their team but can't argue England weren't the better side and didn't deserve to win

Clear-ly

Avatar had dialogue?

The Red Sox’s equipment supplier can relax now...the order for extra strong XXXXL belts can be cancelled

Surely only Pablo Sandoval really comes up big when the bases are loaded. But even bigger when the plates are loaded?

Missed this one before I said the same thing...and the formatting looks better here

The reference to a happy ending for the sex workers is an interesting choice of phrase too