Operation Metro 64 Conquest is bad if you're Russian and worse if you're American. If you don't rush B right at the beginning, enjoy getting blown up repeatedly.

"Don't DO it, youngblood!"

Captain Snaggletooth?

Did they ever make an ix estate? If so, TG should have brought one to Africa.

1:55
ENHANCE!

Hey, you guys found my track day footage!

This made me bust up. Thanks for that.

Whoops. I'm so forgetful.

I'm a wizard.

I wouldn't call it "good". See the video in the link below.

True. I agree.

One of my fiends referred to her as "Boobtana" while he was completing the story. I thought her design was a bit much.

...but did you try the Hamburger Crust Pizza?

Man. The only thing I could think of after Don Henley kicked in was the Atari's version of "Boys of Summer".

Art Morrison 3G Corvette.

Man, I'd drive the shit out of that Porsche.

Updated the playlist, which can be found here:

Okay, the Great Jalopnik Traffic Jams Spotify Playlist is now live!

I was thinking about this a couple days ago. I'll make one today, but I have class until 3 Pacific time, so all you East Coasters are gonna have to wait until tomorrow to listen to your sweet jamz in traffic.

Jerry. Sent here from a far-away solar system as a scout to study the behavior of humans, he disguised himself as a Triumph Saturn 6 when he arrived in 1960 after mistaking cars as the dominant life form on Earth. He's remained in automobile form since for a couple reasons: he has crippling anxiety and is extremely…