I love that no matter what she’s doing she always seems like she’s having more fun than anyone else and looks amazing doing it.

I want to give Gwyneth a chance but in my head she’s always like

I have narcolepsy, the kind that makes me fall down if I get too excited or emotional or scared (like those fainting goats), and I don’t fall in public as often as this girl.

Not only are they not reacting but if you look again it’s a perfect mixture of ethnicities - that can’t be a natural occurrence.

I don’t have kids myself but I watch my sister twist herself into knots trying to be the perfect Pinterest mom and I gotta tell you, it looks exhausting.

I’m convinced Walmart accidentally ordered a few thousand too many green lights and made up this whole green-lights-for-soldiers thing to unload them.

Whether he out and out lied, exaggerated or just filled in the blanks in his memory with things he thought sounded right doesn’t matter. What does matter is why he did it, he did it to make himself seem like this miracle of a man who overcame being an angry, dangerous child, who turned down West Point because he knew…

Ever see Play Misty for Me? That woman is phenomenal.

I always see Lucille Bluth but not as much fun.

Conservative women are not held to a higher standard than liberal women - all women in politics are held to an impossible standard but conservative women tend to be seen as crazier and more out of touch than their liberal counterparts because the policies they support are terrible for women.

There aren’t scholarships for West Point and a general can’t just get you in - you have to be nominated by a member of your state’s congressional delegation or the vice president. How do these lies get past fact checkers?

Wouldn’t the surplus of goods the company is named for be a better form of currency? Forget the gold, gimme those super soft, cheap blankets and pillows to make my underground bunker more homey.

Whenever we see one of those Doomsday shows about preppers my husband always wonders what’s wrong with these people who think they’re ‘the ones’ who have to survive. We’re definitely going down with the ship - surviving and rebuilding seems exhausting.

Hate to admit it but I’m kinda excited for Batffleck...

Exactly. Who cares about lies, I’m trying to save lives!

I’m so mad I didn’t make this connection first! Good on you!

He has two options:

I feel like Kirstie Alley is trying really hard to let us know that she totally hasn’t heard a single negative thing about her religion this week.

Alex Jones is beyond conservative - he is a fear mongering, conspiracy nut who preys on his audience’s base fears by hawking “Doomsday” rations and water purification systems while telling them the government orchestrated Sandy Hook, the Boston bombing, 9-11, etc. He may identify as conservative but he’s just flat out…