I felt really bad for the bees but I picked birth control because I have really horrible endometriosis. I will contribute to funding robot bees that hopefully won’t turn out like they did on that Black Mirror episode.

Seriously! People are getting all on the #whobitBeyonce....but I’m still sitting here going “No! Don’t drink turpentine!”

Or the kids have been so sick that they’ve missed a lot of school, not to mention the repercussions of not having access to clean water. And the implication that a parent isn’t “decent” if they couldn’t leave the area is really fucked up, btw. Even middle and upper class people probably have a hard time leaving, how…

“I’m an adult, and I’m listening, and I’m sorry it took this long.”

“jumping out of windows”

Joke’s on us, Meghan’s gonna embarrass us all by choosing a see thru Pnina Tornai.

Well this is just a nice thing happening. I am so surprised by nice things happening lately that I have to comment that they are nice things.

White to the point of appearing translucent and gives you an orgasm? Honey, you’re English. That’s just your hand.

Always and forever:

...sadly, after all the unbelievable shit 2017 has proved true, I am about 90% prepared to just completely take this woman at her word and accept that yes, she has indeed fucked a ghost.

Yessss. I love big closed kitchens. I love to bake and cook and it’s my own little escape and sometimes I like to “let the dishes soak” which is code for I just wanna eat these muffins on the couch. But I can’t do that if my couch is in the same room as the dining room and the kitchen where I can see my soaking pans…

I want to give the person who screamed “open concept sucks” at the property brothers a medal. I have already told my spouse, when it comes time to house buying, I hate open concept with a fiery passion. I want a huge kitchen. Massive. The size of my fucking apartment right now. And I want doors and walls around it so…

Bengal tiger baby at San Diego Safari Park on Wednesday.

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS

“Soon after my wife and I were married, 4 years ago, I had sex with a woman at a club in Panama where I had a work assignment for a month. I promptly forgot all about it until I started the Sex Addicts Anonymous program last year.”

I’ve quickly learned (from Captain Awkward: go there right now if you’ve never been, I have grown so much as a person and a “bitch) that having a “script” of responses takes a lot of the pressure off. Next time potential FIL says something racist, look him in the eye, let the silence become just a bit uncomfortable,…

I wished I was a teacher like this who can tell a student stuff that this teacher does

off topic, but can we talk about this ny times article about the mom’s of accused campus rapists? they have a whole organization and were instrumental in getting betty devos to make changes to the obama-era college rules. choice quote: