I’ve considered making a deal with the owners of the empty condos all over the place in Ballard. No one is renting there. Why not rent one to me for $700 flat? When you reach capacity, give me a month notice and I’ll move out, but isn’t SOME money better than NO money? These monstrosities are just sitting around…

Trust your instincts. Honestly, I would just leave. These situations never work out in the end.

The Devil in the White City is amazing.

She is going to get so many ticks omg

What! Are you from Mahopac?

I’m sorry but this made me crack the fuck up.

If I lived on Mercer Island, I’d probably want to hack up all the white ladies too. Booo Mercer Island.

Yup. Never bend free will.

...

I love you.

Apparently I would talk to someone in the mirror when I was a young child. Whenever my parents would ask me who I was talking to, I would reply “Nobody” and so my mom called my invisible friend “Nobody”. I don’t remember anything about this except sitting in front of the mirror at the end of our long hallway all the…

On New Years Eve 1999, I was outside in the lawn on my father’s property with my three best friends. We were high on Surge and staring at the night sky. Suddenly we saw a red light in the sky that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Originally we thought it was just a planet that we couldn’t see until our eyes adjusted…

My gram was the same but opposite. “Now honey, just call me collect. You’re still young and have better things to spend your money on.” Miss her <3

Someone used to darn my socks as a child. My single mother had no idea how to darn. We are both still mystified by this.

Had to pull the shower curtain back when I had to go. Just to be sure.

That’s what food banks are for, bud.

Yeah there is.

When I was around 5, I shat myself at K-Mart and was so embarrassed that I just SAT DOWN to hide my shame. It was a big load. My grandmother had to buy me a whole new outfit, underwear, dress and all.

To this day, I have nightmares about this scenario happening to me. No schedule, no idea where you’re going, new people. Probably like once a week I have this dream.

Oh man, my mom MADE me start shaving at 11. She still teases me about my body hair. My adorable (late) grandmother also told me around the age of 10 or 11 that I had giant eyebrows and that I needed to learn to tweeze. Then I overtweezed the fuck out of them and now I’m using, at 30, a snake vemon serum to try to get…