Only the Lions could lose on a play where the other team lies down.

CHECKMATE ATHEISTS

Which, of course, makes him “Questionable” for the rest of the year regardless of the outcome.

If NFL coaches had the ability to see the outcome of ONE play per game, when do they use it? The rules are you only get the result of one play, and it has to be as specific as the complete play call (as opposed to “A Run” or “A Passing play”). This means if you call for a VERIZON VISION VANTAGE (tm) on a bubble…

HELLO I’VE COME FROM THE FUTURE TO WARN YOU THERE ARE STILL NOT MANY GAMES ALSO THE ORANGE GUY FROM ‘THE APPRENTICE’ IS A TOP CONTENDER FOR PRESIDENT I’VE NOW ALTERED THIS TIMELINE I’M HOPING FOR GREATER THAN 1% DIVERGENCE IN MY TRIP BACK ‘HOME’

Won’t somebody please think of the large adult children?!

It can definitely be used on a head.

Charlotte police chief Kerr Putney reiterated that the department is making strides: “We have brought on a consultant to help us answer these questions and field any inquiries from the press and public. We believe he will be able to move us towards greater transparency. Allow me to introduce William S. Belichick.”

Are you hungry? Ok here eat this bucket of poison-oak-covered shit.

I love the idea that Frank Luntz is meticulously crafting this message with him, coaching on what to say without taking a clear side outside of loving one another, etc. and then Cam’s like “Yeah but I’m going to do it this font” and Frank figures it’s all about making progress and no “zero” days or whatever.

Little know fact: “Donnel Pumphrey” was Bogart’s burlesque stage name.

The Golden State Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals.

IT’S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY HAMNO YOU DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE OF BRANGELINA SPLITTING UP

Why don’t you have a pork bun in your hand?

Shut it down- this is perfect.

Oh great, so my bullying continues via Virginia and North Carolina. Fantastic.

OH YEAH BRO? OH YEAH? I GET LAID ALL THE TIME BY 10/10 MODELS SO OFTEN I CONSTANTLY HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET MY FLUIDS REPLACED. I’M LIKE THE BRAKES OF AN AARP MEMBER’S CAR BRO JUST SPLOOSHING EVERYWHERE. I’M BASICALLY BANGING GIRLS LEFT AND RIGHT, AND I HAD TO HAVE MY WIENER REGISTERED AS A WEAPON BECAUSE I…

Nothing highlights the fact that your head looks like the tip of an orange penis quite like a white tie on a white shirt.

The leaves are changing colors. There’s a briskness in the air. Sunsets arrive a bit earlier each day reminding us of the coming winter, and as a fan of both the ‘Skins and the O’s I get to see both my teams ruining their playoff chances at the same time. What a beautiful time of year.

The easiest retort to Snyder in that situation? “Scoreboard.”