This was awesome.

“Christ,” D’72? You want me to truther that guy now? Hmmm, with that whole water walk and lost weekend and all, I see where you’re coming from. Makes this shoes-for-sex ruse I tried to blow the lid off here seem like small potatoes. But, man, Christ’s flock is only slightly less devout than Bruce Springsteen’s, and…

Iggy Azalea is keeping the spirit alive:

I mean, I’d write all night again just to use that punchline.

Bruce trades shoes for sex?

Dude lives in a shitty valley. The river is in a different, better valley. Is this not enough of an explanation?

I can’t wait for the deep dive into why after blowing up the Chicken Man, they blew up his house too. What was wrong with the house? Was it the plumbing? Structural? If it was the paint, THAT’S A SIMPLE FIX. No need to blow up a perfectly good house!

One of Bruce’s kids is actually a firefighter, so he’s got that covered.

One of my college roommates had been dating a woman for a couple months before she got a job and had to move to West Virginia.

I do now, Cruzz! Just got a tip that there’s no wife or kid in Baltimore. The house of cards is falling...

If you’re on fire, Bruce, contact emergency firefighting and medical personnel immediately, don’t worry about whether some little girl’s daddy is home.