That's very kind. Your mullet is off the charts adorable.

You might be asking the wrong person.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I do not look good in a tank top of any color.

I hard-boiled some eggs for the Busters to decorate for Easter, but mistakenly gave raw eggs for them to decorate. When I went to have a hard-boiled egg a few minutes ago, I made a decent sized mess in my company's cafeteria. How do you differentiate between raw and hard-boiled eggs? Asking for a friend.

Dear AVC writers, what did you think these comments would look like? Might as well ask for questions for someone named Jenna Lookatthese.

[raspberry jam oozes over radar screen]

Possibly injections of lunch.

Basic facts? Are we talking about what grade they're in, birthdays…?

[starts developing Super United Security Bros.]

My Uber drivers always ask me if I want to play a money making game.

It's a thin line - boozed up enough to lose some inhibition but still have a hint of self-control versus drunk.

[Bob Vila get header notification, grabs tool belt and camera crew]

I like watching the credits, particularly who the filmmakers thank.

The floors are usually angled towards those poor bastards in the front row, so go ahead!

Hail, hail, the gang's all here
What the heck do we care
What the heck do we care
Hail, hail, the gang's all here
What the heck do we care now

Being asked to be in the church brass choir is as close as I've come to wanting to go to church in a long time. Alas, my schedule won't allow it.

Population 2000, here.
Normal occurrence:
Mom: Sally's kids came home for the holiday and went to church this morning.
Me: Oh, okay.

Cat petting? Save that for Savage Love on Wednesday.

[walks into wrong classroom, sees some dudes]
Who are you guys?
Just some Men at Work.

My favorite:
“If I have one more face-lift, I'll have a beard,”