I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

How these stories make me feel:

Right there with you. We made no fewer than fifteen different sparkling wines, and the most common statement I would hear from people is that “I like bruts and not cuvées.” For those wondering at home, brut bubbly is dry, and the simplest definition of cuvée is the blend or batch that makes up the wine. All our…

Inside the Fermentors. Which is where I keep the bodies, so maybe not....

There needs to be a wine themed week. Behind Crushed Grapes.

Swear to god, one of the questions I was asked the most was, “So, how do you not just, like, drink all day?”

No defense needed. You did everything right — which I know you know — and that lady was a bitch, which, like Leslie Knope, is my second least favorite term for a woman, but it feels warranted here.

Hey, that’s the next best thing. My housemate works at the tasting room where I used to be, so I still get delicious, delicious bubbly on the regular. And I moved into compliance, so same industry, different bullshit. But so worth it. Working the system in a different way. :)

You live, you learn, you keep a paring knife within reach. :)

YES. And they always want a new glass for each pour when there are 55 people tasting. Like, really? You think I have 300 glasses and time to wash and polish them all? Are you fucking mental? Oh, you are. Yes, I see now.

Cork Taint! Band name! I’m surprised no one has called it.

Ah, yes, Caramel Pig.

TATTOO PARLORS, DEAR LORD

It’s a fine dining/excellent service etiquette thing which, to my understanding, comes mostly from the fact that wine capsules used to be made out of lead (and the dust thing, but less so). Plus if you have a 4-5 pound bottle (not unheard of, especially if it’s sparkling) and delicate, crystal, even the slightest tap…

The other couple’s server brought the wife her dessert and the first thing the man did was complain because they left him out. She shrugged and walked away. When the wife went to eat her dessert, he ordered her to give it to him. And he ate it.

He claimed that he was from Florida(Editor’s Note: Well, there’s the least surprising statement ever.)

And also ... DO NOT TOUCH THE BOTTLE. I’m sorry, do you work here? No? Why the fuck are you touching things and helping yourself? Get the fuck out.

Also, Katie Karloff, I feel you. Five years in tasting rooms got me to the point where I wouldn’t pour into anyone’s glass if I wasn’t actively holding it myself because SO MANY of them would jerk the glass upward partway through a pour so it would crash against the neck of the bottle, saying, “NONONONO THAT’S TOO…

It’s obvious that Wine Lady secretly scarfs Piglio Giglio from a monogrammed Thermos.

NEVER REACH ACROSS MY BAR, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!